My hand turned me down
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
