I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
