What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm bleeding and have questions
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
