just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
