i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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