Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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