Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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