Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
i've created a new STD.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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