We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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