Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
She's like a pop up book from hell.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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