Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
