one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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