The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
