you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
