Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
