guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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