i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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