The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
