He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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