How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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