Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
