i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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