you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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