You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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