dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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