I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
