I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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