vagina is talking i cant
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
my poor anus
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
