'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
