i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
My vagina just recognized that song.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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