It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Farmville is her only friend.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
This baby is an asshole
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
