When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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