making cat noises will not fix the situation.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize