why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
