Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets

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(613): View more from Ontario

you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.

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(530): View more from California

he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.

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(970): View more from Colorado

We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am

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(402): View more from Nebraska

You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."

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(316): View more from Kansas

Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.

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(949): View more from California

We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.

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(989): View more from Michigan

He literally knows my vagina better then I do.

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(870): View more from Arkansas

I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.

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