I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
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