WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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