capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
