38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
