Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
