i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
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