I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
