Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
