be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Barsexuality is the new black.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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