I'll bet she douches with gravy.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
