ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
