booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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