its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize