he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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