did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
