He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
