i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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