I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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