I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize