did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
