Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
