Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
