i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
