Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
