I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
