So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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