Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
