i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I need a beard to bite.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
