I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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