every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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