I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
