I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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