he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
My penis needs a shock collar
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
