Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
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