i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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