My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize