Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Congratulations! We have a period
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
