Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
