your thong is hanging out like whoa
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
